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Breakups are hard.
And tbh, never thought I’d be the one saying it/going through it myself. After 6 years of a relationship, I’m a newly single gal and back on the market. I won’t sugar coat it, it really sucks (for now). Don’t even get me started on how it went down, because it’s been one helluva month. Getting over a breakup is by no means easy, but it’s possible. I’m literally living proof.
It’s been about a month since sh*t hit the fan, but the lessons I’ve learned will stay with me in my life and my future relationships. Moving forward after a long-term relationship breakup feels impossible at the time, but I promise you, you will be okay. Keep scrollin’ to hear my story, and learn how you can also move forward, and come out of everything stronger than ever.
P.S this is from the perspective of the person who got dumped, not of someone who did the dumping lol.
Getting Over a Breakup: 6 Ways to Carry on and Move Forward
Family and Friends are Everything.
Breakups are weird. I say that they’re weird because you never feel more loved and unloved at the same time. I consider myself a very confident person, but even getting dumped out of nowhere is a serious blow to one’s self-esteem.
If it weren’t for my friends and family, getting over a breakup would be WAY more challenging. They’re always there for you during the worst of times, and help you navigate rough seas to find calmer waters. REACH OUT TO THEM.
I am pretty vocal about my feelings, but even if you keep to yourself, you will feel so much better after reaching out to people you love. Family and friends are rocks man, and they’ll be able to pick you up after you’ve fallen.
Focus on the Positives
Saying things like ‘there are no positives’ is total bullshit.
Giving you all some tough love rn, but I promise you there are positives that come out of every relationship breakup. Things like ‘going out with your friends more’, or ‘being closer to family’ are just a few of many positive examples to focus on.
Even when you feel completely shattered, reroute your mindset and stay focused on the good stuff. YOU GOT THIS.
Hindsight is 20/20.
My situation was exceptionally awful and filled with so much disrespect, that moving on and getting over this breakup is easier than I expected. Because love doesn’t switch on and off so easily, sometimes it takes a little disrespect to help you realize you’re a queen and deserve way better.
This past month has felt like someone tied me down to a chair and forced my eyes open to see things how they really were—and not through rose-colored glasses.
You know those “little quirks” that you chose to ignore? They’re legit. When you are FORCED to take away your love blinders you can start to admit to yourself things along the lines of “wow, I’ve actually have been treated like garbage.” Or “Maybe he wasn’t such a good person after all.”
And like I said earlier, my situation is different because I was dropped in the blink of an eye [via Facebook Messenger but I digress]. When you’ve been metaphorically spat on, it’s easier to see the big picture.
If you experience a respectful breakup (which I hope that’s all of you), seeing things in hindsight may take more time. However, it will happen! Just keep doing ya thing, and take it day by day.
Don’t Feel Humiliated.
I know, I know, it’s easier said than done. But, one of the first things I said to myself as I was packing my life away in California, is that I was so f*cking humiliated.
It’s hard not to feel that way when you give so much to a relationship and they don’t reciprocate it back. After all, I was the one who moved out to be with him. I was the one who gave up being close to my family and friends for him. I gave it my all, and he threw it away without a second thought.
A natural human reaction after a breakup is humiliation.
Breakups are completely out of your control. They make you feel inferior and unworthy of love.
*NEWSFLASH FRIENDS* YOU’RE AMAZING, SO DON’T FEEL THAT WAY. When you’re feeling down, reflect on all of the good qualities you have to offer. You’ve got so many and just need to remind yourself. Just another reason why family and friends are the GOAT.
Start Doing Things for YOU.
Self-care is essential. It happens way too often that we give, give, give in relationships, and forget about the most important person in our lives –ourselves!
It’s time to start doing things for yourself again. Find what makes you feel good and go after it. Find a job you’re truly passionate about and make it yours. Travel, take up a new hobby, get your glo up on. The world is your OYSTER.
I’ve always been an east coast girl at heart, so now that I’m searching for my dream job back here (fingers crossed I land one in Boston) I’m already so much happier, and a shit ton more optimistic.
Spend time by yourself if you’re about that life, or go out with friends and family to occupy your time. Do what you want and start living your life for you.
Being Strong vs. Being Emotional
One of the biggest realizations I’ve made from this whole process was that the idea of ‘being strong’ and ‘being emotional’ are not relative.
I’ve had so many friends and family reach out and just mention how strong I’ve been during this whole process. And for me that was bizarre. I had never thought of myself as a strong person.
Why? Because I know I’m sensitive af lmao.
Now I realize that your emotions don’t determine your strength. Strength is about how you react to your circumstances. When you’re getting over a breakup, strength is accepting your situation as it is, picking yourself up and moving forward. Because in all honesty, that’s the only choice you’ve got.
I think the hardest part about getting over a breakup, is the feeling that everything you’ve once known is ripped away almost instantly. When you have a plan and picture your life with someone, after a breakup, everything you’ve felt comfortable and confident with is suddenly gone.
What is important to remember is that life does not end because your relationship does. The path you’re on merely switches directions. While you might not feel it now, it did because of a reason. Getting over a breakup is one of the hardest personal challenges to overcome, but I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Have faith and trust in yourself. Even when you feel at your lowest low, the only place to go is up!
How have you dealt with getting over a breakup? What was one of the greatest lessons you’ve learned during the process? Comment your experiences below. 😊